on Memorials

This afternoon Jean and I attended the burial of Marylynn Hall, who will be much missed.

The ceremony at the gravesite brought to mind Flushing meetinghouse  in the Queens borough of New York City, where I was introduced to Quakerism during the seven years I was at the Rockefeller University in the 1970s. This building was built in 1694 and (except when it was occupied by the British during the Revolutionary War) has been continuously  used as a meetinghouse ever since.  Of course it, like any other house of worship, had its graveyard on the grounds and that graveyard is still there.   It has been a long time since the last internment, but it is not unused - it is still the meetinghouse yard, and children still play there.

Having an operating graveyard behind a meetinghouse is no longer possible, and this is a loss. Even in Flushing, where the gravestones are the only connection between those buried there and the present worshipers, their presence lends a depth to the experience which for me is captured in the phrase which begins the traditional wedding promise:

In the presence of God and these our friends…

We have been discussing what to do about memorials around the new meetinghouse. It has already been minuted that ashes may be buried, in an biodegradable container, anywhere in the unbuildable portion of the lot. That is the easy part (though there may be some question about what is the "unbuildable part" — If building entails a building permit, then I believe that the unbuildable part is that part on which nothing is built). We still need to decide what sort of memorials we will have, and where they will go.  I would hope that they are put someplace where we will, in the normal course of activity, without planning or even expecting it, see them and be reminded. And I hope that they will be outside, where I will associate them with life.